Home life so far.

So I decided to not come back to Utah. Here I am in Oklahoma. It’s pretty nice seeing everyone again. I missed this place a lot more then i thought i would. So far I have had one job interview but turned in more applications. My dad reminds me every day how horrible it is that i don’t have a job yet. How many days after Christmas is it? Yeah, let’s think about that. At one point i think it was the day after i got home I went around to see all my friends, My dad was quite upset with that. Then the next day he says, "Geez Kirsten, don’t you have any friends at all?" I was sitting on my bed at that moment in time and he had just gotten back from taking majority of my siblings out to their friends’ houses. Last night I was going to my friend’s house, because yes, I, Kirsten, have friends. Shocker. Yeah, apparently i am 16 again and need to leave him all the information before i leave. You should have seen him last night! Ridiculous! It was like i said,... "Hey dad I'm going out to do drugs now and possibly have drinks with this guy i barely know all by myself, tootles." when in reality i said, "Bye dad I'm going to Alex McCafferys to help dye her hair." .....sound alike at all?  Then when i go to hang with them he complains that i am wasting my time and wasting gas. Make up your mind father. Can i have friends or not!? While i was at Alex's he had told me to call at 10:30 so i did, and he freaks out saying, "Why aren’t you home yet!?" well, i am calling like you said to. "But you should have been home by now, give me a time est.!" Well we have to finish Alex's hair and it’ll take me around 25ish minuets to get home so I’m gonna go with an hour and a half. "Kirsten, That’s midnight." Yes dad. "I want you home alive tonight." Dad, I'm sure the family i am with will not kill me. "That’s not what i mean" ......Whatever dad see you then! So my dad now thinks that if i am out past midnight, i will die. There is no ifs ands or buts, i will die. Thank goodness i got home 20mins before midnight last night. Just 20 minutes more and I would have come home dead. Phew! I suppose staying over at someone’s house is out of the question now. Darn. I think it is quite stupid that they are treating me like this, let’s face it, i am 18 years old. Legally I can be out past the city curfew. I have nothing to do right now because I'm not sure if i would be allowed to do anything with my nonexistent friends that waste my time and gas...... good thing i have real friends that do nothing of the sort! I can’t wait till summer..... I want a job. I want to save up all my money and get my own place, but then i wouldn’t have a car. Because the car i drive is “My dad’s car that he lets me drive”, that is the official title. Don’t get me wrong, i like being home but the "I think you’re on drugs" thing got old Jr year. Why its starting back up again I will never know because they don’t talk to me about it. Ever. Just saying, I would take a pee test right now, you wouldn’t find anything in me! Meanwhile, my brothers are in California for New Year’s. What am I to do for New Year’s?   You guessed it, I’m thinking nothing because obviously I would end up dead because New Year’s in fact takes place at midnight and sometimes, surprisingly, can last longer than that! And we all know that’s just not safe. I hope everyone else has a great Friday night…. Thanks for reading my bitching. I’m sure I am allowed to use that word for my dad uses it all the time, and let’s not forget, that I am also 18.

My letter to Mos.

Dearest Kelsey, Mos,

          I am currently in the airport, very bored and quite stuck in one place. This so called carry-on weighs too much! The handle has broken so I can no longer carry it as normal. Oh, and the best part is I cannot go anywhere without all of my bags at all times; therefore, I am pretty much stuck unless I want to literally drag this Hawaii bag with me. No chance there so I shall be holding my pee till I arrive in Tulsa; Four more hours to go; Joy.  Well, I shall tell you what I see right now. There is a lady having a hoot with her little yorkie. How did that happen? I thought you had to put animals in the underbelly of the plane. I suppose not for she is a walking example. To be fair it is quite a cute dog. The girl directly behind me insists on constantly fixing her hair, it has been hitting me for quite some time now.

I spy with my little eye an Auntie Anne’s and I would very much like a pretzel but seeing as the little baggage problem I told you about has not been fixed I shall not get a pretzel. I will just stare at the sign, with a few tummy rumbles here and there. I have just realized they have changed the gate on me so I will have to move eventually. Thank goodness it is only one gate away from me. I also found out there is a flight boarding right this very second for Tulsa and of course it is my favorite airline, Southwest.

Oh! Bryson, Catherine, and my daddy shall be at the airport. Seeing as Tanner, Taylor, and Ethan have finals tomorrow, my mother thought it would be best if they got some sleep. But do not fret Mos! I have a feeling they shall be up all night waiting to greet me.

I have been invited to seminary tomorrow already. I might just have to go in order to get the car in order to get to tech! I suppose I shall do it, but I do so hate the morning traffic in Owasso. The schools are far too close to each other so the traffic gets rather heavy.

Just a random thought, why is it so much easier to write you a letter than an essay? It’s possibly because I can use my thoughts in your letter but in an essay I can never have my input or opinion in the paper. Yes, I suppose that’s it. I just sent you a picture of the water that I am drinking. Right after I pressed send it fell through the crack of the chair. Not cool. I can’t reach it. Geez. Are you ever gonna text me back!? I am thirsty. I can see the water but I cannot reach it, accursed connected airport chairs.

There is this annoying beeping noise Mos, and I have no idea where it’s coming from. I think it’s funny to watch people walk across the floor that moves, the thing that’s like a flat escalator. Those people look like speed demons and they are entertaining indeed. The lady with the dog just got up. She has the dog in a little basketball hoop looking thing tied to her front. That poor dog looked terrified. It also has a strangely long neck. I think I shall call this dog giraffe. This name is quite suitable for it, believe you me! I don’t know if the dog is actually cold but this lady who I will now name Gretchen, is putting that red blanket on the dog over and over again. Gretchen must really love Giraffe for she talks to him a lot; Maybe a little too much. Gretchen just shushed Giraffe, I don’t think Giraffe has made a peep that I have heard; Poor Giraffe.

This looks like a good place to make a new paragraph for Gretchen has stopped the shushing of giraffe. I will update you on them though, for they are quite the traveling pair. I want Giraffe for my own. I was going to say something about being so close to home that people are wearing OU shirts, then as the little boy got closer I noticed it was a Cardinals shirt. (Off went Giraffe’s blanket, I bet he is shivering his little tush off.) A man in an orange shirt just sneezed. And someone on the TV just missed a touchdown. What a waste of that run.   There is a woman that just walked in and the first thing that came to my head was Purple Pumpkin. Please don’t ask me why, I do not fully understand this either.

I feel that I should move over now, there is room. But at the same time I look at all the stuff I have to carry and I am thinking I will be able to hear the announcements from here. I hope I can. Purple pumpkin is reading a book by David Something and snacking. Oh my is she snacking. I have a feeling they are Goldfish. Oh gosh, was I way off, they are chocolate turtles.  I still see my water, I really want it. I am quite thirsty, stupid chairs. The girl that was hitting me with her hair is apparently secretly getting married, oh the joys of having a loud conversation everyone can hear. And a woman dressed in a red jogging suit just walked by me with her little boxer dog. I suppose Gretchen is not the only living example any longer. Do you think you have to put your dog under the scanner or have the security officer feel the dog up for random dangerous items? And couldn’t a dog be a weapon? Ever heard the term SICK EM BOY! I guess they don’t worry about silly things like that they have bigger things to worry about like water turning into a bomb or something like that.

I don’t blame them I mean anything is possible. Purple pumpkin gave a foreign boy a 50 cent piece so he could phone home or order a pizza, who knows!  There is another woman who just sat down and the first thing I thought was Piglet! I think this is from her hot pink fleece vest. Well pardon me for a min. I have to move now…

I have moved and there are some new people, the one that caught my eye is a boy, not just any boy. He is argyle sweater boy with plaid underneath! But for sake of my typing we’ll just call him Argyle. Now Argyle is also reading a book I can tell by looking at him but I can also tell because he reads it out loud; very loud. But do not fear Mos, this book is almost done. I want to bet that I will be sitting by him on the plane. The most tragic thing happened, I had to leave my water behind in gate B25. Here I am in gate B23 still very thirsty. I forgot to mention that I cut my lip earlier with a piece of salt water taffy. I do not fully understand this either. But I would just like to say it is bothering me, very much so right now.

I think Argyle just finished his book. What is he to do now? He has Dasani. I am jealous. An iPod? Oh good choice Argyle! I wonder what’s on there. I am going to make a wild guess and say that it’s more “hardcore” stuff because Argyle has his ears gauged and his shoes look more like the shoes for kids that listen to that. Don’t argue with me. Of course he could be listening to Barney is a dinosaur or freaking Ke$ha! I’m not positive and will never know for sure till I ask him. I don’t think we shall ever find out Mos.    Sorry I just don’t feel like randomly asking people stuff tonight. Weird huh? I need chapstick. Now. I love Carmex. The cut on my lip is burning a bit but don’t fear, it is a good burn!

Argyle has rolled up the plaid to a half sleeve that is quite the look. This Free Wi-Fi for all is not working, or I would be on Facebook or something like that. I have debated about taking pictures around me so I can give you a visual as well but I have a feeling people would get offended, maybe even feel threatened, who knows. I want to listen to Kid Cudi right this very second. I have currently started up my iTunes, with no headphones. That’s right I am the inconsiderate jerk right now. I think it’s low enough though. I honestly think I am the only one that can hear it. As I am listening to Ke$ha’s song Crazy Beautiful Life, I want you to take her advice and get a little high on life. Electric Feel is next, I don’t really have any advice on life from that song, give me a min. though and I bet I can make up something.

Why are people who work in airlines always foreign? I don’t mean like the skin color or anything I am talking about the accents. They are great and all and I wish I had one but when you make announcements on a plane or talk to me on a phone I want to understand you.  Oh my gosh! I didn’t even notice this boy over in the corner! He is wearing an ugly Christmas sweater; and has many colors surrounding him that I am not quite sure about.

We are supposed to be boarding this plane in twenty min. or less and I have yet to see the plane I am boarding. I also just answered my phone and talked semi loud while listening to iTunes, oh yeah! I am one of those people we all love to hate! The flight attendants are currently freaking out about free food from the pilot. One of the flight attendants has quite a laugh, remember the video we watched last night with Glo-zell? That’s all I have to say. i now see the plane I will finish this in a few hours when I get to Oklahoma. It is now chilly in here. Argyle keeps looking at me, I do hope he is not listening to Whitechapel and thinking too much of the lyrics. Wait, that might be too much for him. Well I would like to tell you about my flight. This pretty attractive man sat beside me! But he was blonde, sorry. He is a wildlife fireman, something like that so he travels a lot. That morning he had been in Costa Rica. Well he was pretty cool I guess, he sped off the plane as fast as he could! Excited to see his family, I think not! 

Well now I am home. A huge group of people just came by to sing carols. I mean like around 50ish people! Oh Maggie peed she was so excited to see me. And yeah, that’s life so far! Though, I did go to tech! It was quite fun!  Then I saw Tanner, learned a disturbing fact about Kolby and Benton. Though I guess it was expected. Oh I do hope they don’t read this. I currently hear my daddy laughing at a movie. I have missed his laughs and hugs.

I miss you Mos! I yelled out to day saying, “MOS?!”, but you didn’t answer. I think I will miss that a lot, if not the most. Now I shall tell you all the things I will miss and we will take a walk down memory lane. Do you remember one of the first nights we were there I got out my scrapbook and actually showed you it? Holy crap! I am so lame! How about the time I left you that note to join me at the twilight show in pioneer park, then I got home before you? But in the while I got lost. I still don’t understand how I got back before you, you weren’t lost. Oh my gosh! The Greek festival! We thought we would find some cute guys there, and there wasn’t one. Remember the first time we had a “sleepover” then we started trading off nights for whose bed we would sleep in? I hated your bed because it was so cold! So, what movie are we gonna watch tonight? I think I watched more movies with you then anyone else! Including my family! Don’t worry, that doesn’t sound too bad right? Remember those days we went to church, and sat alone? I am so glad I had you to sit by. You will have to tell me how our favorite construction site comes along.

Oh gosh, do you remember when Ali moved in and we took her phone and laughed at it for what seemed like days!? Remember all those times we could hear each other in the shower screaming because the water would turn freezing in one second? Oh how I hated that shower.

I will miss so much! You were the best first roommate anyone could ever ask for! I love you! And I miss you so much! Thank you for being there for me and dealing with my saltyness or just my weirdness. And thank you for the letter! I love your letters! J

Love, Kirsten! Mos.

I don't care.

But in reality I do.
I haven't written a blog in awhile and I'm feeling kinda down today so why not right?
Bring me the horizon's new cd is playing and I am basically alone in this acurssed house.
Well, besides the regular people that never come out of their rooms, ali is at work, so is kelsey, (mos), and haleighs best friend ty is here so they went to the mall. Now back to the story.
                I think I have said before that sometimes i really dont care but there are other times where i do care but there is no way in hell im gonna let any one see that and there are times when i care and you will know. I worry about how communication works these days. It's terrible, it sucks. I could say something like I have more opertunities in Oklahoma and it is translated into, I dont care about you any more i'm leaving. So lets chat about the Oklahoma thing, it goes along with alot of this. I am failing classes and I know for a fact that I will fail next semester if i stay here. So what did i do? I told my dad i was failing and not having a pleasent time here. Why? He deserves the truth, he was paying for my college and I wont be wasting any more of his money. Yes. I am a waste of money. Yes i am a waste of that widows mite yes i am a bitch sometimes yes i do complain other times yes sometimes i am grumpy and yeah i speak my mind and am honest. But that doesnt mean you have to tell me im a waste. or remind me im a waste of that widows mite. Sometimes i dont even care when people call me a bz or bitch. But in all honesty i have heard that more times  here than i have my whole life, and its catching up to me and slowing me down. i have to say if people keep calling me this, thats all i shall be til i leave. THIS IS NOT ME. I dont know why utah, but i have become a bitch living here. I'm really not like that. Thank God i am leaving this place maybe i can go back to me and not be so stresses or tense. I have never wanted to cry so many times here. Thats why i dont talk out my feelings, i will cry. I hate crying, its pointless in my eyes and weak. I dont want people to see me like that. well i dont know what else to put. im done. im gonna go finish packing.
There is a Hell Believe me I've seen it, There is a heaven, let's keep it a secret.

"If I let you in, you'd just want out.
If I tell you the truth, you'd vie for a lie.
If I spilt my guts, it would make a mess we can't clean up.
If you follow me, you will only get lost."

~BMTH

:)

Great lyrics. By the way, I recomend this cd. :)
I feel better now. Writing helps me. Talking it out, not so much.
Oh and dont get me wrong I will miss certain people here because i love and care about them but i am not ment to be here. Just found that out a little late.

Things I love.

These are a couple things I cannot live without! Anyone who knows me, at all, should know this.
WATER!!!!
Well now you're thinking, "Duh Kirsten, who could live without water? You have to have it.....stupid."
This is where I would reply "WRONG!!!!" The water you drink is probably some discusting tap water from the sink or non purified or sams club water bottle.
And you probably think water is water, its tasteless.
So so SO wrong. You have no idea how wrong you are right now.
ONE! water has a taste and there are different tastes depending on the brand, tap, purified, ect.
TWO!!! I can taste the difference in water!
Thats right.
Its like a super power.
And obviously you dont have it.
TAKE THAT SUCKA!
Hows that make you feel? i know, lame. cause you are.
But dont feel bad! I shall be kind and share my powers! here i will make a list of water that is okay to drink. Yeah im the best. No need to thank me. Youre Welcome.
Cold Ozarka. only cold. when warm or normal temp. it tastes funny.
Aquafina. I personaly love.
Disani is only okay when very cold.
Osmosis water. this is something you install right by your sink, its genius and tastes so good its almost unbelievable. one of my top faves. but like i said you have to install it..... I miss it!!!!!! :(
mavrick water is fine and so is american falls. in utah.
Now for a list of water that i try to avoid at all costs.
not in any particular order. these dont even deserve to be in bold.
1nestle life water crap....
2 any flavored water. why have that when you can have koolaid or juice. seriously.
3 sams choice
4 sink water.aka tap.
right now i cant think of any more because i avoid them....
Now moving on to something uber important. something i am without right now and that is a terrible thing to ever go with out.

CHAPSTICK!!!!!!
This is something i always have with me. at all times.
atleast 2-3 of them. now what brand of chapstick?
CARMEX of corse!
i dont have any and im about to go insaine!!!!!!
my lips are chapped. :(
I need to go buy six more tubes of it!
Omg!
I just found a half empty tube of carmex!
im saved!
for tonight! but i need more asap!
I cant believe going on a frantic search all over my room only led me to find one half empty tube of carmex.
i had gone maybe one and a half days without that stuff n lemme tell ya!
i was lickin my lips like a dog licking peanutbutter off the roof of its mouth.
i cant stand going without chapstick.
I start to call for it.
while franticly throwing things around trying to find it.
mmmmm. i feel so much better.
so I shall leave you with this.
Goodnight all! :)
chapstick is the best.
And so is the right type of water.

The Bytheway House Ghost stories.

I shall make this blog like a horror story. Only because it's like a horror story that I am living in.

Chapter 1.
The first month.
            "Don't you just live in the bitchin' neighborhood!" Daddy Williams said upon arrival to the Bytheway house. As the passenger in the car looked around she felt frightened and uneasy. They parked on the side of the house. She and her father got out of the car and looked at the house. It wasn't as big as she had expected. Built in 1911, red brick, a stupid plum tree in the front that just made a mess in the yard it looked ugly. There was a small wire fence around the yard and random sketchy people walking around everywhere in the neighborhood. It was getting hot so they proceeded to go to the front door and were invited in. Nothing was different, there was no air conditioning. As we began to unload the car we noticed there was another girl unpacking as well. Daddy Williams said  "Go introduce yourself". "Hi, I'm Kirsten," Kirsten said. The girl looked up at Kirsten and said, "I'm Kelsey." And that was that, it was the biggining of a great friendship.
We'll speed this up a little. Mama davis, Kelseys mom and Daddy Williams, Kirstens dad, left the city about a week later. It was just Kelsey and Kirsten in the house alone for about another two weeks. Kirsten and Kelsey became pretty good friends, but little did they know, the house they lived in was not safe. It started off with little noises here and there. "Its an old house Kirsten, old houses make noises", said mama Williams one day while on the phone with her daughter.
That week another girl moved in to the house. Her name was Alina. Kirsten had alot of trouble with that name for some reason so they called her Ali.  Ali worked. A lot. She was never home.
There were some times  when Kelsey and Kirsten would wake up early in the mornings before school had even started and hear the shower running that was inbetween their bedrooms. Neither one was taking a shower.
        One day, Kirsten was cooking noodles. It had been around two and a half weeks since moving in. As she filled the pot with water someone went PSSST! in to her ear. Kirsten could feel the breath on her ear. She screamed and almosted dropped the pot. She ran around the downstairs hoping to find Kelsey laughing at her. She found Kelsey asleep on the second floor. Ali had been at work.

Chapter 2
Things get wierder.

               It is a week before school starts. All the girls have moved in to the house.There are seven girls that live in the Bytheway house now. Profile time. Kirsten, scardy cat, loud and obnoxious. Kelsey good student, social, can be a scardycat aswell. Haliegh adorible, lodgical, non believer of ghosts til she moved here. Ali workaholic, very sweet, never has had ghost experiance as far as i know. Bonnie sweet, very sensitive, hears a few things thinks it's Kirsten, Kelsey and Haleigh. Brinna leaves every weekend on computer all the time. Tawni doesnt like Kirsten, Haleigh or Kelsey..... stays in her room at all times.  Thats 7.
         Haleigh had quite a bit of a scare one night after school had started. We had all been hearing people come down or up the stairs but there would be no one there. There is a distinct sound when you go up and down the stairs.  W e would actually see something move towards the living room. Kelsey had seen Shadows move across the living room window and the laundry room window. This laundry room window is a bit high off the ground for someone to walk by.... Now Haleighs scare. Haleigh had come down to do homework at three in the morning and had began to doze off on the couch. She began hearing noises. Little girl noises. Moans and muffled scream type sounds. She looked up and saw some one in the dining room, but just like that it was gone. She had woken up a second time to a wierd moaning gaging noise. She thought it could be herself so she tried making that noise but she couldnt. The other week Kelsey Kirsten and Haleigh were all sleeping in Kirstens room, relaxing listening to jazz music. It was a creepy night. There was an alarm somewhere going off. While trying to fall asleep some one knocked at the door. "Who is it?" No one answers. About 5mins. later someone tries to open the door. "What the heck do you want?" Still no answer. Then the dor begins to shake and trys to open again. By this time all the girls are screaming but there is no answer and no one fesses up to it. It was around 3AM. Nothing special besides a few noises and wierd stair stuff has happen since then. Until last night.

Chapter 3
Thanksgiving day
                
                Tawni, Brinna, and Ali are all out of town. This makes up all the residents of the third floor. There is no one one on the third floor. Bonnie is in her room as always on the computer with headphones on. Haleigh, Kelsey and Kirsten are all down stairs. Kyle came to visit. It is around 1AM. Kirsten is in her room, Haleigh is in the bathroom next to Kirstens room, Bonnie is in her room on the computer. Kelsey comes up the stairs and looks around. Asks where Haleigh is and then proceeds to go down stairs. As Haleigh and Kirsten then go downstairs Kelsey askes if they have heard any slamming doors while we were up there. No, they had not. Soon after they all begin to hear the slamming doors. They are very loud and going off atleast two at a time and coming from the third floor. No one that lives on the third floor is home. We check on Bonnie while this is going on. She still has her headphones in and is in her room with the door shut. We asked her later today if she had heard anything. She had. She thought it was Haleigh, Kelsey and Kirsten messing around. These noises continued throughout the night. Upon going up the stairs to finally go to bed at around 3:30AM we found three things on the stairway had been thrown down from Tawnis room. Brinnas flip flop, Aquafina water bottle, and a random lint roller. Kelsey is the only person that owns a lint roller but that was not hers. What happens next? .......Investigation Please!

"Most people are other people...."

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.  ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

 

I think I will be using this post to tell you who I really am, inside and out. I'll start with the simple part. The outside. The place that for some reason people always look at and judge first. I am 5'6 I cannot be a model. I am not tall enough. I cannot be a disney princess. I am too tall. My hair is a fake color. Two fake colors. They are red and bleach blonde. I might dye it to a dark brown, which is my natural color. My hair is for the most part straight. But sometimes it decides to flip out like I am the star in a movie from the 70's. .....It's rather lovely.... I have blue eyes. Alot of people say they're pretty but i'll let you in on a little secret. We all want what we cant have and I wish I had brown or green eyes. Heck, solve both problems! Lets just say I want hazel eyes. I don't have my dads nose and I don't have my moms nose. I have a mix of both. I have freackles. On my face. Across my cheeks and nose. They are not the huge red ones everyones thinks of when i say freackles. My smile? Its a smile. Not movie star straight or movie star white. Not fake. I have laugh lines around my eyes because I love to laugh. And I wouldn't get rid of them. Even if you paid me. I've been told I have a nice voice. Just talking. And I just want to say that is one of the wierdest compliments I've ever recived. I also sing. But you'll never hear my real singing voice, Only a few people have and ever will. Special people. People very close to me. Or the random people I never met that were behind that curtain judging me. Enough about the physical. You've got plenty of that shiz. Now for the inside. I'm not super smart but I'm not dumb. I'm a terrible speller but I am dyslexic. I also have an auditory learning disorder. I have a disability in math on top of all this. Now you're probably thinking, Omg what can she even do!? Art. I love art. Its one of the only things I excell at. Not drawing, But photography. I love capturing moments that make you think. My goal is to make you see what I see or think what I am thinking. I think differently. Very much so. Alot of people don't understand my thoughts. I don't expect them too. In my mind no one could ever fully understand another, because you are not them! I am outspoken but shy at the same time. I am honest but in our society honesty has been labled rude. We second guess ourselves and think that if we tell that person the dress looks bad on them they will hate us, never talk to us again, so we lie and tell them it looks fantastic. When you really should just tell the truth. They wont hate you. I never tell a person something looks good when it doesn't. You don't have to say, good lord you look awful, burn it at once! no. Offer them something else, give suggestions, show them what bothers you. I ramble. If you haven't noticed all ready. I'm very sarcastic. I would hope you've picked up on that.

I was raised Mormon. I go to a mormon school. No not BYU. Gross. I suppose I should share my beliefs. But they aren't too exciting. I know there has to be some thing higher than us. We aren't here by accident.  I am not too sure on a few mormon beliefs. In all honesty I'm still trying to figure out things. I do feel good when they say families are forever. I like the idea of that. But the stuff about you should only date mormons if you are mormon, it really bugs me. Its not just because mormon boys don't like me. ha! just kidding, but seriously. I have never gone out with a mormon boy. I've been on one date with one but i don't think that counts. Speaking of dates I think that leads to love right? My view on love is a bit different. I have never felt that Hollywood love. I don't think it's like Hollywood portrays it any way. Thats what everyone is aming for and wants. Maybe thats why we have so many divorces in this world. I keep telling people I don't believe in love. One of my friends once told me, (upon hearing my view on love), Love is out there. It is the best yet worst thing you'll ever experience. I thought this was a nice way of thinking of it. But now I realize what love is to me. Love is a beautiful day, a real smile, a true laugh, someone saying have a good day, Love is caring for someone. When I say I love you that means I care about you. Love is not sex. This world has made sex out to be love. Sex is something that happens when you are in love with your significant other. And news flash, you aren't going to find that person in highschool. Why not save that? I don't understand people who just throw that around like its nothing. Good example, remember in the movie Taken when Amanda gets into the house and says, "I'm going to sleep with him........You might as well loose it in Paris...." Yes that wasn't the whole convo but that was the main thing i was getting at. I really liked that they put that in the movie though. Look what happened to her. Obviously its not that extreem all the time but honestly shouldn't that be something for real love? Look at how some people treat that or talk about it. We are teaching little children that its a bad thing when its not! Its just not ment to be abused like it is. Okay, enough about that. What else.... Oh random but I hate needles. I cry when I need to get a shot but I want piercings. Nose, lip, belly button, and hips. But this my dear friends is infact frowned upon in the mormon reliegion that is my whole family. They already aren't a fan of who I am. Those piercings would just throw them off the deep end. They might even disown me. Sad isn't it? I cuss. I have a potty mouth at times. I do think about what I'm saying but sometimes things come out. I listen to music that sceams when I cannot scream myself. I hate sharing feelings. I always feel that I would end up crying and I see that as being weak. My dad would always make me laugh when I would cry. My dad is not here with me. I can't share feelings. But I can listen and put in my input. Thats all I can offer right now. I know that can frustrate people. But they don't understand. Everyone does things differently, we all need to respect that. I think we are all in control of ourselves and no one can make you upset without your permisson. I am not a huge fan of our government. I feel that if they made an "oopsie" they would never tell us. And keep it hidden as long as possible and then blame it on something else. There is no perfect. There is no normal. How ever, there is a right and wrong, you have to find that one out on your own. A hug can change a persons day. A smile can save a life. Your time can change everything. You can do whatever you want when you put your mind to it. Prostitution should never be leagal. Porn is a discusting excuse for anything. Dare I get into the controversial topic of abortion? Fess up to your "mistake" don't kill it unless in cases of rape, incest, or huge medical issues where the mother or the baby will die. You don't have to keep it, give it a real family put it up for adoption. As for adoption for me I think I would rather give a child a second chance at life rather then bringing my own kids into the world. Plus the thought of being prego makes me wanna barf. Didn't I mention I think differently? I want to travel the world and learn about other cultures. I want to live life at the fullest! I don't want to pretend to be some ones I'm not. I am me. I am myself. I think my way. I will never fully understand what someones going through because I am Not them! I am the fear of growing old without ever really being young. Break free be yourself. Find yourself.

Most people are other people.  Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.  ~Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905

When you find who you are and embrace it you will be happier than you have ever been. You will know where to go and what to do. :) Smile like you mean it. By the way I felt a little emo doing this but I learned a few things. Try it.

My Forever He Is We

It is snowing. A lot, too much. I hate snow. We are currently under a blizzad warning for the next two days. Stupid. I dont like this weather, es no bueno. I would add a picture but its too dark for every camera I have. So maybe I can get one tomorrow but it's ugly anyway. The snow. Can I just say I hate it when people mindlessly stand with the front door open. Ugh! its cold! Its like the concept of keeping the fridge door closed. gosh. I am listening to how to dress well i love them but as i look at the candle flame i am getting easily distracted. That is beautiful. fire is pretty. Snow is the opposite. my friend Josh came over today. He and i work at the same place. It was pretty fun! I had to make a chocolate strawberry torte so i did that and we chated about music and what not.   jjjffjffjfjjdjfdksla;sldkfjdkljfkdls;adlkfjkdlsa;alskfjlkfjlkjflkjfdskjfoeijuw;eioijr;wih nv;hgoitwj juhfn hujnaguhWJBNWP GYUHWRJBjgrng;ur  hrognurf ......that was me typing like everyone else can. without ;looking and in the right possition. what was the point of that? to show you i cant type properly.  Well i do have some good news out of this. One of my favorite bands He Is We came out with thier first full length album. It's call My Forever. Oh my, its beautiful. Please go buy it support them! This album is way worth it! :) Well thats about it i guess. Kinda a lame one but its whatever. I just want to sleep forever right now. oh check out Ghostland observitory as well. So homework, listen to He Is We, how to dress well, and Ghostland observitory. You wont be disapointed. That is if you have an open mind about different music.

How To Dress Well

He Is We

Ghostland Observatory Paparazzi Lightning

Smile Like You Mean It!